You know the summer holidays are around the corner when fashion and lifestyle magazines start running features with headlines like: “Get your beach body back in four weeks” or “How to get bikini ready in 10 easy steps”. These articles follow a well-trodden path offering banal advice like “lay off the carbs” or “do a hundred squats a day” or even “go on a liquid diet for the next month” and so on. (These days much the same sort of stuff is pushed at us by “fitfluencers” on Instagram as well.)
In my younger and more foolish days, I am ashamed to admit, I used to fall for this sort of casual body-shaming. I would devour all these pieces, try and follow at least some of the tips, dieting and exercising like my life depended on it. And then, when none of this really worked, I would head out shopping for swimsuits that would hide all my wobbly bits from the world at the beach or hotel swimming pool.
That was until a few decades ago, when I visited an Italian beach during my summer vacation. I wandered on to the sand, wearing my conservative one-piece, only to be greeted by the sight of Italian mammas and nonnas lounging around on the sand in barely-there bikinis. There were jiggling bellies galore as they frolicked in the water. There were cellulite-laden bums on display as they sprawled face-down on their towels. None of these women displayed the slightest self-consciousness as they enjoyed the sensation of sun, sand and water on their bodies.
That was the day I understood what the terms ‘beach body’ and ‘bikini ready’ truly meant. And what they didn’t.
They did not mean that you had to torture and starve yourself for the privilege of being able to enjoy yourself on the beach. It just meant that if you had a body, and were in possession of a bikini, you were good to go. It wasn’t important to be in the best shape of your life. You could be any shape or size you wanted and be both beach and bikini ready.
It won’t surprise you that the first thing I did after that holiday was to go bikini shopping — something I hadn’t done since my early 20s. And on my next beach holiday, I followed the example of those Italian donnas and slipped into my bikini, without doing any sort of fitness regimen in advance.
And you know what happened when I finally bit the bikini bullet? Nothing.
Yes, nothing. There was no pointing and staring by other people, who were far too busy enjoying themselves on the beach to pay any attention to me. The fashion police didn’t emerge from the surf and arrest me for crimes against cellulite. And I had the best time ever, revelling in the feel of the waves against my bare skin.
So, if you are planning to hit the beach this summer, just remember that all you need to do by way of preparation is to load up on the sunblock, buy a nice pair of sunglasses, and stock up on some trashy bestsellers. And yes, don’t forget to buy that bikini — and wear it without torturing your body into a smaller version of yourself.
From HT Brunch, April 25, 2026
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