If you’ve ever found yourself overthinking texts, decoding late-night messages or wondering whether someone is genuinely interested in you, author and motivational speaker Mel Robbins has a reality check. According to her, there is no such thing as mixed signals in relationships. (Also read: Want to tell your friend to dump their disappointing partner? Therapist Jeff Guenther warns how it can backfire )
Watch behaviour, not words
Mel said in her July 29 Instagram post, “There are no such things as mixed signals in a relationship because there’s nothing confusing about other people’s behavior. You confuse yourself when you’re interested in somebody because you go up in your head and you make up a fantasy about what is happening instead of seeing the reality that’s right in front of you,” Mel said.
According to Mel, people often create stories in their minds about what someone might mean instead of paying attention to what they consistently do. Rather than relying on words or promises made in emotional moments, she advises observing behaviour.
“Here’s what I want you to do. Let them show you who they are and whether or not they’re interested. Watch their behavior, not their words. It’s very easy to say, ‘I like you’ when you’re drunk, or you just hooked up, or when you’re bored, but behavior tells you the truth,” she said.
Mel argues that genuine interest is reflected through consistent effort, communication and actions, not occasional compliments or mixed messages.
Addressing the common belief that uncertainty itself is a sign of mixed signals, she said, “You know the saying, ‘If they’re interested, you’re going to know it. If they’re not, you’re going to be confused’, not because they’re confusing you. They’re being very clear with their behavior. There is no such thing as mixed signals.”
The ‘Let Them’ philosophy: Accept reality instead of fantasy
The author acknowledged that accepting this reality can be difficult when emotions are involved, as people tend to focus on possibilities rather than facts. This, she said, is where her “Let Them” philosophy becomes relevant. “Let Them show you who they are. Let Them make the effort, or not. Let Them reveal what they actually want,” Mel said.
However, she stressed that the philosophy has another equally important component. “Then comes the hard part: Let Me accept reality instead of clinging to fantasy,” she added.
Concluding her message, Mel said that clarity comes from accepting what someone’s actions are already communicating instead of searching for hidden meanings. “They’re not interested. You’re confusing yourself by living in a fantasy instead of letting them show you the reality and then let me accept the reality and then decide. That way, there are no mixed signals,” she said.
Melanie Lee Robbins is a US-based author, podcast host, and lawyer. Mel gained recognition for her TEDx talk, How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over. Her books include Stop Saying You’re Fine, The 5 Second Rule, The High 5 Habit, and The Let Them Theory. She has been hosting The Mel Robbins Podcast since 2022.
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