Not all childhood wounds are visible. While physical abuse is often recognised, emotional neglect can go unnoticed for years, quietly shaping the way people form relationships, express emotions and view themselves in adulthood.
In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Archana Singhal, counsellor, family therapist and founder of Mindwell Counsel, explains how childhood emotional neglect can affect trust, attachment styles, self-esteem and emotional well-being long into adult life. (Also read: 74-year-old woman single for 3 decades says she is far happier alone than in sad marriage; shares advice for young women )
What is childhood emotional neglect
“Childhood emotional neglect may be the most overlooked childhood experience, and much of the difficulty we experience as adults is attributable to this type of child neglect. Childhood neglect involves a failure to meet the emotional needs of a child, such as emotional expression, validation, affection, comfort, support and understanding. Whilst neglect may also be very physical, it is typically less clear and visible than physical abuse, hence making it more difficult to identify and heal,” says Archana.
She explains that the effects often continue into adulthood, influencing how people connect with others.
“Childhood emotional neglect may result in being unable to express emotion, or an inability to develop secure attachment. It will be hard for a person who has experienced a childhood environment in which neglect was a feature to trust others, open themselves up to others in relationships, and be emotionally vulnerable,” she adds.
What are the long-term effects of emotional neglect
Archana notes that emotional neglect can shape the way people process and express emotions. “A person can learn to turn off their emotions, or to discount the emotions as unimportant or invisible. This can result in the avoidance of emotion and rejection by others, anxiety, rejection, and withdrawal. It can also lead to a person becoming overly people-pleasing, which may lead to problems in relationships, including low self-confidence, low self-esteem, and a need for excessive others’ validation.”
She further explains that these patterns can affect several aspects of adult relationships. “When left unchecked, these can have long-term implications on the way that one’s trust, communication, conflict management, emotional control, and intimacy in relationships are affected. It may lead to extreme avoidance of intimacy or an anxiety-based, overly attached relationship style and fear of abandonment.”
Can childhood emotional neglect be healed
Despite the challenges, Archana believes healing is possible through self-awareness and emotional work. “There is, however, increased self-awareness and healing processes and a heightened awareness of our own emotional needs and how it influences the nature of the relationships that we have, and how we connect, and a possibility of healing and creating better, more meaningful, connected relationships.”
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.
