Father’s Day 2026: This year, Father’s Day falls on June 21, a day dedicated to celebrating fathers and father figures everywhere, acknowledging their love and support. Fathers may act as pillars of strength and stability for children, but many fathers are not openly expressive and may appear stoic, silently shouldering their troubles without expressing vulnerability or stress. But bottling up emotions can affect their mental health, physical wellbeing and relationships.
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We asked Dr Hemendra Singh, associate professor, department of psychiatry at MS Ramaiah Medical College and Hospitals, Bengaluru, to explain why men suppress their emotions, how emotional distress may show up in men, and how one can recognise the signs. As children, it is also important to understand that fathers may not always express their struggles openly, but that does not mean they do not care, support, and provide emotional space.
Why is bottling up emotions ‘second nature’ for men?
Before we address why fathers may be emotionally reserved, it is important to understand why bottling up emotions often becomes second nature for many men, which shows up later in their family with the characteristic stoic nature. According to the psychiatrist, this generally originates from societal conditioning, where boys are taught from a young age to appear strong, stay quiet and avoid showing vulnerability.
“Growing up, boys absorb countless subtle signals to keep their struggles private. Phrases like ‘man up’ or ‘don’t let them see you cry’, or ‘are you a baby’ might sound harmless in the moment, but the message underneath is clear: showing emotion is a vulnerability you simply cannot afford,” Dr Singh said, suggesting that normalised phrases which teach boys from childhood that any kind of vulnerability is unacceptable.
As they grow older, they internalise this message, which shapes how they react to emotions, handle stress and interact in relationships. The concern here, as the doctor too highlighted, is that ordinary human experiences that cause sadness, anxiety or self-doubt may be taken personally and seen as character flaws.
Why are fathers emotionally reserved?
Fathers are generally very emotionally guarded, restrained and sometimes in extreme cases even emotionally unavailable. But this too happens because of conditioning where society thrusts the role on them. The psychiatrist called this the role of a fixer. “
“Men are almost universally conditioned to be the fixers, in their families, in their friendships, at work. When something goes wrong, the reflex is to skip straight to solutions and action. That instinct isn’t bad; it genuinely helps men get things done. But it also has a cost, because it completely bypasses the emotional aftermath of stressful events and becomes a barrier to help-seeking.”
Now, this habit of pushing emotions aside can fester. Instead of acknowledging their feelings, men usually jump right into problem-solving mode. While this solution-oriented mindset helps them manage responsibilities, it also comes at the cost of burnout and emotional exhaustion. The psychiatrist actually sternly warned that some may eventually reach a point where they no longer know ‘what’s going on inside them’ anymore.
What are the signs which indicate fathers should seek therapy?
Men rarely signal emotional distress through obvious sadness or tears. So, the way they express their emotional discomfort may be different. Dr Singh outlined a few signs that may signal that it is worth considering therapy:
1. Uncharacteristic anger
- A noticeably shorter fuse, persistent irritability, or snapping at the people you care about over things that genuinely shouldn’t matter.
2. Physical warning signs
- Chronic headaches
- Tight chest
- Persistent neck tension,
- Stomach issues
- Any issue that doctors can’t seem to trace back to any clear physical cause.
3. Emotional withdrawal
- Feeling numb, losing interest in things you used to enjoy, or gradually pulling away from your partner, friends, or family.
4. Unhealthy escapism
- Drowning yourself in work
- Drinking more than usual,
- Constantly reaching for distractions just to avoid being alone with your own thoughts.
How can men begin to open up?
Family members can work together to help fathers become more emotionally open. While stoicism may come from a lifelong habit of emotional silence, small, deliberate steps taken consistently can help them move forward. Here are a few practical tips Dr Singh shared with us:
1. Start with your body, not your feelings
- If you can’t find the words, notice what’s happening physically. Is your chest tight? Your jaw clenched? Your stomach unsettled?
- Physical sensations are often the honest clue about what’s going on emotionally, and they’re a much easier entry point than trying to name an emotion outright.
2. Write it down first
- If talking to someone feels like too big a leap right now, start with a journal or even the notes app on your phone.
- Getting thoughts onto a page, out of your head, is useful and helps to detangle complex thoughts.
3. Choose your person carefully and your setting
- Pick one person you genuinely trust. And if sitting face-to-face feels too intense, find a side-by-side setting instead, a long drive, a walk, or shooting hoops.
- For a lot of men, conversation flows far more easily when there’s something else happening at the same time.
4. Keep it simple to start
- You don’t need to explain your entire history in one conversation.
- Something as straightforward as ‘I’ve been really stressed lately, and I can’t seem to shake it’ is a completely legitimate place to begin.
Parting advice from the expert is to practice self-awareness and recognise when it is time to seek help. It can be stubborn and damaging to hold on to outdated myths about strength and resilience, especially the idea that fathers must quietly endure pain. Seeking help can improve emotional regulation and make it easier to cope with stress in healthier ways.
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.
