If you’ve been swiping left for months and thinking ‘there has to be a better way to meet someone new’, pull up a chair. Dating burnout is real, but the autumn-winter social calendar might just be your escape hatch. Also read | Relationship coach warns women never to ‘give a second chance to a man who does this’
In an Instagram post, Lily Womble — a US-based former matchmaker, author of Thank You, More Please, host of The Feminist Dating Show, and self-described ‘feminist dating coach for those who feel too late’ — laid out a case for ditching the algorithms this season.
Her premise is straightforward: “You don’t have to be on dating apps to be trying.” According to Lily, fall (autumn) and winter represent ‘the highest-opportunity time to date IRL (in real life)’, thanks to a natural influx of ‘social engagements, work functions, parties, gatherings’. But she added that capitalising on rooms full of potential matches requires answering a key question: “Whether you freeze or flirt.”
Having ‘set up 399 dates’ during her matchmaking career, Lily developed a framework that has helped ‘400+ late bloomers’ turn real-world interactions into meaningful relationships. “The skill set of IRL dating makes you your own expert matchmaker,” Lily shared. Also read | Online dating: Why do people catfish? Red flags to watch out for and how to deal
Her approach reframes flirting as ‘joyful, courageous connection where you shoot your shot without apology’. Her strategy relies on three main steps:
Step 1: Joy building
“Get outside your house and do things that bring you joy. Then say hello to three new people,” Lily advised. Because ‘the point of a dating app is to expand your social circle’, doing so offline works the same way — even if there are no potential dates present, Lily noted. “You never know which new friend has a single friend who turns out to be the love of your life. That’s how I met Chris. Improv class, new friend, her friends, a party,” recalling her own experience, she added.
Step 2: Co-conspiratorship
She encouraged singles to recruit their social circles. “Just like your friend asked you to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, you get to ask for help from her, too,” Lily explained. Her rule of thumb: “Tell people you’re single. Tell them about your preferences. Ask for setups. Rinse, repeat. That’s how IRL dating replaces dating apps.”
Step 3: Feminist flirting
Addressing common hang-ups — like ‘freezing around cute people’, ‘fearing rejection’, or ‘assuming you’re not someone’s type’ — Lily said that flirting is ‘not rocket science; it’s not a game’. Instead, she advised singles to ‘move through the freeze with 10 seconds of courage’ by opening with a simple ‘hello or compliment’. She shared that ‘the right conversation is co-created’, and ‘the right person will make it apparent that they’re game to chat with you too’, Lily shared.
Lily argued that ‘feminist flirting’ moves singles from fear and assumption to putting ‘dates on your calendar with ease’ and ‘being your own expert matchmaker’. By taking action in person, ‘you become somebody who goes after and gets more of what you want, because feminist flirting makes the right relationship inevitable’, she said.
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