Nobody knows the rules of the group chat… until someone breaks them. There’s the friend who ghosts a conversation for three days and returns with a casual apology. There’s the thumbs-upper. There’s the person who makes a spin-off group, “just for planning” that ends up becoming the main group. Has this happened to you. Gasp! Is this you?
Texting etiquette is surprisingly murky for groups. Here’s how to navigate the tricky questions someone might be asking about you.
Is it rude to ignore 200 unread messages? Kruti Jariwala, a copywriter in Bengaluru hasn’t counted, but estimates that she’s in 70-odd groups, for work, family, friends and “the inevitable ‘how-am-I-even-a-part-of-this?’ group”. It’s impossible to keep track of it all. So either get AI to summarise or find one member who’s willing to give you the highlights, or in Jariwala’s case “send me a screenshot of the juicy part”. In Mumbai, creative consultant Manasvi Bhatia is part of 140 groups across platforms. She opens only the chats that “need a meaningful response from me” and often deletes chat histories without even reading them.
Is it OK to be left of read? The blue ticks of death are anxiety triggers. But only if you make them that. Unless it’s a specific question that hinges on the sender’s schedule and behaviour, not every text needs acknowledgement. “I’ve learnt the hard way that just because you have something to say doesn’t mean you should always say it,” says Jariwala. Or just reply with a heart emoji: Heard, appreciated, ended.
How long can you go without chatting? It depends. If the group is large and conversation never goes past memes and jokes, don’t expect every member to chip in all the time. “People lose the spark. No need to be bitter about it,” adds Jariwala. Bhatia considers other data: If the person who’s silent on the chat doesn’t reach out in other ways either, it’s probably a bigger goodbye. Family groups are the exception. If you’re expected to be deferential IRL to some members, that extends to the group chat too.
Who gets to hijack the group? If you have to ask this, the problem is you. Group chats, unlike actual conversation, are more democratic. Your intern or new brother-in-law may not have the clout to round up folks for an actual gossip session, but building a message group is easier. It may start with an excuse: To plan a holiday, a surprise party – and end up being where all the fun is. “I always feel guilty about being a part of it,” says Jariwala. If it starts to feel like a clique, ask the group if the excluded member can be added – to point out the behaviour. “Done with your trip? Back home? Amazing. Delete the group,” recommends Jariwala. And if you’re one left out, make peace with the idea that it’s not the tech, it’s you.
Is dry texting bad? How many heart emojis before someone demands more from a conversation? Again, zoom out and consider the nature of the chat, and the person. “I’d rather be in the group IRL. I can’t do chats anymore. It takes too much energy,” Jariwala says. Most chats that take an hour on text likely would have taken 10 minutes in person. Some people just don’t want to stay logged in endlessly. “Be kind, be polite, and be straight to the point,” Bhatia says. Her pet peeve: “People who text OK and give single-word replies. Just use reactions instead.”
Who likes voice notes? No one. It’s selfish. It lets you ramble on, forcing the listener to wait out what you could have texted more concisely. It’s impossible to search or locate later. It clogs up the phone. It’s noisy. If you’re singing Happy Birthday, go for it. “Don’t send them if all you want to say is, ‘Yeah, sure.’”
From HT Brunch, July 11, 2026
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