1
Picking sides
Who else is confused by Adarsh Gourav’s and Shanaya Kapoor’s horror-romance, Tu Yaa Main? It’s giving Gully Boy x Student of the Year (he’s a rapper from Mumbai’s Nalasopara, she’s an influencer from South Bombay). It’s also a survival thriller with a murderous croc in an empty sports complex. Weird. But still a better film than Shahid Kapoor’s toxic bloodbath, O Romeo.
2
On thin ice
Deadlines are the worst. Even Canadian figure skater and two-time medallist Madeline Schizas isn’t exempt. The 22-year-old McMaster University student still had to email her sociology professor to explain why her assignment was late: “I was competing at the Olympic Games yesterday.” She was granted an extension. This is the excuse to beat now, guys.
3
Playing on loop
RiP Brad Arnold, lead singer of 3 Doors Down, who passed away at 47. He gave Millennials their ultimate emotional support song, Here Without You. It played through every dramatic breakup fantasy in 2003, while its lyrics made MSN statuses so much more dramatic. That song title hits harder now.
4
Chasing rainbows
Farhad J Dadyburjor’s novel, Queerly Beloved, features murky family secrets, an ex-boyfriend, a cross-cultural romance and a big fat Indian gay wedding. Bollywood romcom tropes pale in comparison. We don’t know whom to ship main-character Ved Mehra with: His pining ex, Akshay, or his charming American fiancé, Carlos. Meanwhile, his mother is enjoying a romance with a younger man. We’re ready and seated for this drama.
5
Framing this
The Gallerist, which showed at Sundance, is the kind of art-world satire we love. The plot is unhinged: A desperate gallery owner (Natalie Portman) tries to sell a dead body at Art Basel Miami. Jenna Ortega is her assistant and Charli XCX is involved. No ignorant digs, just clever, dark in-jokes. Sold!
6
Hailing the queen
Grab your headbands and plaid skirts, Team Blair is officially up. Gossip Girl author Cecily von Ziegesar is giving the diva her long-overdue solo moment with a standalone novel. Blair Waldorf was the unofficial main character, anyway. Her outfits ate and the girl was ambitious, insecure, ruthless and still lovable. Now, 20 years on, our queen bee gets her flowers. XOXO.
7
Stating the obvious
That friend who DMs you “whr we going?” after an hour of discussion in the group chat? Or the one who asks questions they could just Google? There’s a Korean term for them: Ping-peu, or finger princess. The next time they come begging to be spoon-fed, send them a link to ChatGPT. It’s meant for third-party thinkers anyway.
8
Not interested.
Birds chirp and warble, jellyfish flash light signals. Human mating calls, however, are getting increasingly inventive. First, it was upside-down pineapples in grocery shopping carts. Now, a US brand called MatchBottle claims to be a signal that the owner is open to dating. Enough. How many cues are we expected to track? We just want to enjoy pineapples and water without getting hit on.
