A common nightmare of married individuals is getting caught in the middle of a tussle between the parents and the spouse. It became a reality for a 28-year-old man, who went on the popular subreddit, r/InsideIndianMarriage, to share his story.
About the people involved…
The man began the long Reddit rant by stating that he met his wife, 26, on Facebook in 2017, and after dating for seven years, they finally got married in 2024. Like all couples, they sailed through ups and downs in their relationship.
“She has described herself as moody and stubborn since childhood and had some minor self-harm behaviour as a kid, which she says is in the past,” he shared. “One thing I’ve always noticed is (that) she rarely forms close bonds. I’m one of the only people she’s ever really let in.”
Describing his parents, the man shared that his father is strict and religious, and likes to do things his own way. His mother, on the other hand, is very emotional and tends to cry easily, and is also extremely attached to him.
In the post, the man also noted that he is more financially stable than his wife, earning around seven times more than her. While they have a maid and a cook, it is the wife who handles the majority of the household responsibilities.
Trouble in paradise
The conflict between the parents and the wife started around the time of the marriage, claimed the man. The two partners belong to different castes and have different food habits. While the man’s family is strictly vegetarian, the wife’s follows a non-vegetarian diet. While this did not get in the way of their marriage, the man’s father had some reservations that the wife apparently sensed.
From the wedding itself, there have been many points of conflict between the wife and the man’s parents, which he listed as follows:
Wedding customs: The man’s family paid for the wedding, and according to some tradition, asked for certain gifts (milni gifts, two gold rings) when the bride’s mother asked if anything was needed from their side. This made the wife’s family uncomfortable, as they did not want it to look like a dowry. They did organise the engagement and reception.
After the wedding, the wife insisted on carrying all her jewellery by herself, and later, left some of the gifted jewellery at her mother’s place for some time.
While on a video call, the man’s mother made a comment about the wife’s family not gifting fruits during a certain festival. However, the real reason for that was the wife’s family not being aware of any such tradition. Things escalated, and the man’s mother apparently cried, with the man having the apologise in the end.
The honeymoon dates of the couple clashed with the man’s parents visiting them, so the visit had to be cut short.
The man’s mother was hurt about not having their photos displayed in the couple’s home, while his father commented about not “feeling God’s presence” in the house, which deeply hurt his wife.
The wife has apparently stated that she does not see her in-laws as her own parents, and she is not willing to take the man’s last name. While the man is okay with it, his parents are not.
During pregnancy, the wife wanted only to be with her mother and the man’s mother felt pushed aside. Being emotional, she often cried, and communication between them almost stopped.
The examples he cited in the post are just a few of many. Things finally came to a head when the wife apparently “shouted” at the man’s parents and “told them they have no entitlement to the baby. And they can never talk to her or the baby.”
How does the man feel?
The troubles at home have apparently driven the couple to the point of separation.
“I genuinely think both sides are at fault,” shared the man in his post. “My mom has emotional dependency and expectations, and my wife has anger and strong boundaries that come off as disrespect.”
“I don’t want a divorce, and socially it would be very hard,” he added. “But I also want to be present in my child’s life. Right now, it feels like both sides hate each other, and I’m being torn apart in the middle.”
He then went on to ask Redditors about “realistic options” to save both his marriage and his relationship with his parents.
Redditors tell the man to ‘step up’
While the netizens on Reddit were not particularly compassionate toward the man, they did try to help pick one side, that of the wife.
As one person commented, “You need to start having boundaries. It seems your wife does not feel supported by you and your parents are very traditional and emotionally manipulating.”
“Your parents made big issues out of small matters and made unnecessary, hurtful comments to their new DIL, and now they’re surprised she didn’t want them around during pregnancy and postpartum,” shared another.
“She’s not an incubator; if they want to be involved in everything they should have let go of some of their expectations and built a relationship from day one. You are not caught in between your parents and wife, you are not adequately protecting your wife. Step up or your marriage won’t survive,” continued the comment.
“Bro, it’s clearly a boundary issue from your side. Your family is your wife and your child. Both set of parents are now extended family. Your priority is YOUR family, not extended,” echoed a third. “And why the hell are you stuck on what happened during the wedding? You clearly need to set your priorities right and grow up!”
“I see toxic and problematic parents. And you are unable to take a stand for your wife. Communicate with them properly. Indian parents tend to make you feel that they did so much for you and blah blah blah. They did as a parent what needs to be done. Set clear boundaries,” expressed yet another.
“This is what happens when you’re spineless,” slammed a fifth.
Note to readers: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
