For years, marriage has been painted as the ultimate milestone in life and portrayed as bed or roses. It’s been sold like a promise of romance, trust, stability, emotional fulfillment, lifelong security, companionship, and what not. However, not every marriage looks like that. In fact, 90 percent of marriages don’t look like what it’s shown. One of the biggest reasons behind failed marriages is a lack of understanding about compatibility and how relationships truly work. In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Damini Grover, a counseling psychologist, life coach, author, and founder of I’m powered centre for counseling and well-being debunks popular marriage myths.
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Is love enough for marriage?
Damini highlighted that one of the biggest myths people continue to believe is that when two people get married, things will somehow work themselves out. Only love is enough, or if functional likes and similarities are in place, that’s sufficient. It’s as if commitment makes compatibility automatic. But it really doesn’t work like that.
According to Damini, many people get married without really knowing what a healthy day-to-day relationship looks like. They know how to plan a wedding, not how to build a relationship, and yes, building and maintaining relationships require a lot of interpersonal and intra personal skills.
The concept of compatibility
Damini said, “One of the most spread myths is that compatibility means having similar interests, hobbies, or personalities.” Though shared values matter, long-term compatibility is often less about liking the same movies or food and more about emotional maturity, communication patterns, conflict management, financial attitudes, family expectations, and the ability to navigate stress together.
But the question is, what’s the point of sharing vegetarian food when two people can’t have a decent conversation without attacking each other?
What is a good relationship?
Another common misconception is that good relationships are easy. The idea that if two people are meant for each other, things should always feel easy has been romanticised through social media and movies. However, Damini highlighted that, in reality, every long-term relationship requires conscious effort, repair, adaptability, and uncomfortable conversations. The problem isn’t conflict; it’s the inability to deal with conflict respectfully and resolve it in ways that actually make a difference and people still believe that marriage will solve loneliness, insecurity, low self-esteem, or emotional wounds that have gone unhealed. But relationships often amplify what’s already within us. If you have issues with communication, emotional regulation, or boundaries pre-marriage, those issues do not magically disappear post-marriage.
Adjustment vs compromise
There is also a dangerous myth in our culture that adjustment alone will keep a marriage going. And yes, compromise is key, but self-abandonment is not synonymous with relationship success. “Many, particularly women, are conditioned to put up with emotional neglect, disrespect, or incompatibility in order to preserve a marriage,” highlighted Damini.
Perhaps the biggest problem is that people prepare a lot for the ceremony, but very little for the emotional realities that are to come after it. Marriage is not only a social status. It is a continuous psychological, emotional, and practical collaboration between two changing human beings. A healthy marriage is not based solely on fantasy, chemistry, or labels. It is about making conscious choices, emotional accountability, mutual respect, common values, and the willingness to grow together through the years.
Note for the readers: This article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. Please consult a qualified expert for personalised guidance.
