For the most part, cheating on a partner has been easy to spot. Miley Cyrus sang, “You smell like perfume that I didn’t purchase” on Muddy Feet. Whitney Houston’s It’s Not Right But It’s Okay used a credit card receipt to expose her bae : “If six of y’all went out/ Then four of you were really cheap/Cause only two of you had dinner”. Shaggy’s It Wasn’t Me, 26 years on, literally outlines all the places in the house he was caught “creepin’ with the girl next door”.
Now, it’s possible to “look but never touch” as an OF subscriber. It’s easier to anonymously swipe though 25 Bumble profiles in one night. There are polycules, throuples, emotional affairs, long-term booty calls and situationships. Cheating isn’t about bodies, it’s about vibes. In that grey area there’s “Just texting”, “Just memes”, “Just a fire emoji, don’t read into it”. The real question isn’t who cheated, it’s did this even count?
To decide if it did or didn’t, let’s hear from the experts. Comedian Kenny Sebastian’s new show, Tempo Tantrums, pokes at marriage and therapy. Comedian Kaneez Surka’s special, Foreign Return, unpacks love and identity across cultures. They’re tracking where the line is drawn in 2026 and who’s crossing it. Warning: This may start a fight.
Is it cheating if….
You get flirty and dirty with AI?
Surka: No. God, that’s problematic! I’d rather that my spouse have an affair with a human. Romancing AI feels similar to having a thing with a sex doll.
Sebastian: It depends. Flirting with AI a little bit is fine, because if the bots turn on us, at least, they’ll spare the ones they flirted with. But, even if you’re single, having an emotional connection with AI is not cool. It’s trained to tell you what you want to hear.
Is it cheating if….
You have a work wife/husband?
Sebastian: Yes. This is full-on cheating. If you’re in a 9-5, that means you spend the majority of your life in the office. Just marry the work wife/husband, then. Leave the part-time partner, who’s waiting for you at home on the weekends.
Surka: Not at all cheating. Work friendships are important for a person’s well-being in the office. If my partner has a good friendship with someone, I’m not going to get in the way of that.
Is it cheating if….
You drop fire emojis under an attractive person’s photo?
Sebastian: No. But fire emojis are where I draw the line. You can never post a sweating emoji with the tongue out. Saying, “looking great” is not acceptable. Why not compliment your partner instead? Or check if there are eggs at home?
Surka: Fire emojis are a bit much. A heart is okay. A fire emoji means I think you’re HOT. That should only be for a partner. Or someone you’re trying to get with.
Is it cheating if….
You are friends with your ex?
Surka: No to cheating. You have to trust your partner. I’m friends with two of my exes, and if someone told me to stop, that would be a deal breaker. There’s nothing romantic there. Why ruin a good friendship?
Sebastian: It’s cheating. It’s unnecessary. It’s much more peaceful to not be friends with your ex. Who has the energy to have a partner, a family, a job and be in touch with an ex?
Is it cheating if….
You hang out with that one person from your fitness/dance/pottery group too much — because your partner doesn’t share your passion for the activity?
Surka: Not cheating. We should have different people that we connect with over different things — books, movies, hobbies. I’d even be open to my partner travelling with a friend once a year, unless they’re super flirtatious.
Sebastian: Okay, let’s be specific. Say, it’s a pottery class. And you’re hanging out a lot. That’s basically your pottery wife/husband. You should not be touching anything wet without your partner. Anything with high water content is romantic, even the beach or walking in the rain. Dancing is literally sex-coded. Animals don’t dance because the beats are good – it’s a mating ritual. But if you add three more people into the same activity, that’s fine. Touch all the clay you want.
Is it cheating if….
You share memes with your ex?
Surka: Depends. Are you reminiscing about your relationship? Are these those ‘This is so you’ memes? That’s cheating. Also, if you’re sharing funny stuff with someone else, that’s cheating on me as a comedian. I have no interest in inspirational, ‘Believe in yourself’ memes. Send all that to the ex.
Sebastian: Yes. I don’t have to deal with this wonderful problem, because I am not friends with my ex. My partner never has to worry about me running into my ex in public, because I’ll walk right past them. Life becomes so much easier when you sacrifice one friendship.
Is it cheating if….
You “like” pics of influencers you find attractive?
Sebastian: This is a rage-bait question. What is the purpose of even liking a thirst trap? Just see the picture and move on.
Surka: If it’s a picture of some famous person you’re never going to meet, I don’t care. But if it’s someone we know, then I do. And I know a lot of influencers personally. So, it’s okay to like Mr Beast’s thirst traps, but not Sumukhi Suresh or Kusha Kapila.
Is it cheating if….
You still have dating apps on your phone, but don’t use them?
Sebastian: Come on. Come on! If I don’t fly a plane, why do I have a pilot’s license? If I don’t ride a motorcycle, why is there a helmet in my house? The only thing you’re allowed to have without using is an air fryer.
Surka: Not exactly. But it’s a red flag if you’re in a committed relationship.
Is it cheating if….
You regularly vent about your partner to someone of their gender?
Surka: No. It’s healthy. You shouldn’t rely on your partner to meet all your emotional needs. I don’t see gender when it comes to friendships.
Sebastian: That depends. Venting to a good friend is okay. But do they add fuel to the fire? Are they like, ‘Oh I never liked your partner’? That’s a red flag. But if they’re just listening, I think that’s okay.
Is it cheating if….
If you don’t share your phone password with your partner?
Sebastian: Yes for me. What if I die tomorrow? I don’t want the bank to seize everything. I’d want my partner to just log into my phone. And it’s funny, the more access you give someone, the less they feel like using it. But if you say, no you can’t check my phone, it’s ‘Why? What are you hiding?’
Surka: Major red flag. It’s not that you need to tell me where you are and what you’re doing all the time. But why are you so guarded?
Is it cheating if….
A good-looking stranger at the gym asks what you’re doing later — you turn them down, but don’t mention that you have a partner?
Surka: You totally need to mention that you’re in a relationship. Especially, if there are chances that you’ll see them again. And they will keep hitting on you. You shouldn’t want that kind of attention from somebody else.
Sebastian: If the interaction is 30 seconds long, then it’s fine. In fact, then it would be excessive to mention them. Any longer, then it is your duty to very cleverly be like, ‘Actually, my girlfriend and I were talking about this,’ or ‘Oh, my boyfriend and I want to see that movie’.
Is it cheating if….
You have a backup in case you break up?
Sebastian: Come on! I’ve seen people who, when a relationship didn’t work out, married the friend who’d always been there. And if you’re happy, the backup’s happy, who are we to judge?
Surka: That’s not right. Shouldn’t we be in relationships hoping that it will last, if not forever, then at least a significant amount of time?
From HT Brunch, February 14, 2026
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