A 32-year-old woman found herself facing an impossible choice – between supporting her 21-year-old pregnant sister and keeping her own small family financially afloat. With a husband and a two-year-old son to provide for, the decision weighed heavily on her. She shared her dilemma on the subreddit r/AITAH, where thousands of online users rallied behind her, offering empathy and overwhelming support.
The sister’s situation
The woman began by explaining the background of her family’s circumstances. Both she and her husband grew up with very little, but worked hard to attend college and gradually build a more stable life. They were eventually able to purchase a modest home for their family of three, including their two-year-old son. While keeping up with the mortgage is a constant challenge, she shared that they manage their finances carefully and are able to make ends meet – but just about.
Enter the sister (hypothetically called Britt in the post) – who, according to the woman, has struggled to hold down a steady job or stable housing since she was 18. She describes her as chronically irresponsible: ignoring alarms, missing shifts, failing to turn up for work. As a result, she is often unemployed, without money for rent or even basic necessities, and routinely depends on others – friends, former partners’ families – to house and support her. She recently found out that she was 11 weeks pregnant.
The woman’s ordeal began when Britt burned through the last of her options – friends and extended family alike had refused to let her stay with them. With nowhere else to turn, she called her sister. The woman added a frank disclaimer: “Britt is a horrible roommate. Never cleans, never contributes to the household in any way. Frequently forces other people to clean up her mess or move around the huge piles of things she keeps around.”
Still, she agreed to help, but on strict terms. She made it clear that the arrangement would be temporary and even provided Britt with a list of shelters and housing resources specifically for pregnant women, urging her to explore more stable, long-term options.
What pushed her to throw out her sister?
The woman initially tried to be as accommodating as possible, reasoning that Britt was under immense stress and might simply need a few days to decompress. She allowed her to rest without complaint. However, what was meant to be temporary quickly turned into a pattern. Britt began occupying the entire sofa from morning until night, getting up only for bathroom breaks.
Weeks passed, yet Britt made no effort to change. She barely moved from the sofa, leaving her sister to shoulder all the household responsibilities. She even expected meals to be prepared for her, including on days when the woman was battling exhaustion from an ear infection that both she and her toddler had contacted. To make matters worse, Britt refused to contact any of the shelters or housing resources that had been carefully gathered and shared with her, ignoring every suggestion to seek more permanent support.
This ultimately pushed the woman to sit Britt down and insist that she start making the calls herself. Together, they went through the list of homeless shelters and housing resources. However, the facilities suited to pregnant women were all at capacity. The only immediate vacancy available was at a shelter that primarily housed individuals struggling with drug addiction.
They drove Britt there, but upon seeing the environment, she became visibly frightened and deeply reluctant to stay. The woman recalled, “She was terrified, and was visibly upset with me. I’m so worried for her, but she refuses to do anything for herself. I know that if I didn’t make her act, she would continue this behavior and suck more energy and funds out of us endlessly. Now she isn’t talking to me and my family thinks I’m heartless. AITAH for forcing her into an uncomfortable situation so that she can be more self sufficient?”
She also added, “We even said that If we had the funds and a room for her, we would have loved to keep her longer than we did. We wanted to really help her and educate her. But we are just getting by as it is and we literally couldn’t afford to keep her.”
Reddit reacts
Netizens were quick to rally behind the woman, strongly criticising what they described as Britt’s selfish behaviour. Many also pointed out the hypocrisy of other family members who disapproved of the situation despite having refused to house Britt themselves – a rejection that ultimately left her with no choice but to turn up at her sister’s doorstep in the first place.
One user commented, “It sounds like she has exhausted everyone else. You are the last link in a chain she has taken too much advantage of. I am worried for the child, and want to know if the father is in the picture at all. I hope this may be the wake up call for her, but sadly the odds are not in her favour.”
“Do what you can do to stay in touch and supportive, but yeah I can see why she had to go. She may hate you for a while but sounds like you’re the only one brave enough to make her face reality,” another advised.
Another user sounded off, “Can’t get off the couch for food? Sounds like a ‘her’ problem. Guess you go hungry then sis. Stop doing for her. Start making her do. And tell her you are not raising another child. I would send her to the baby daddy’s house.”
Concerning the family’s disapproval, a commentator wrote, “NTA, send a mass text telling all the family members where she is with the address. If anyone thinks they can get her to grow up and take some responsibility for her life they can go get her. Keep the text resend as necessary.”
Replying to this comment, another user wrote, “This. According to OP the sister has exhausted all her options, and even their grandparents kicked her out. They all know how sister is. And they don’t want her in their homes. So why is OP such a horrible person for feeling the same way?? It’s absolutely hypocritical, and they do need to be called out.”
In the end, the woman’s story struck a chord because it highlights a painful but common reality: compassion has limits, especially when it begins to endanger your own household. While she remains worried for her sister and the unborn child, many online felt she had already gone above and beyond what she could reasonably afford – emotionally and financially. As the debate unfolded, one message rang clear from supporters: helping someone should not mean sacrificing your own family’s security in the process.
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