Remember Dil Chahta Hai? Where Akshaye Khanna’s young man Sid falls in love with much older Tara, played by Dimple Kapadia? His friends tell him it’s bad idea but Sid’s resolve wouldn’t budge. Well, life is imitating art once again.
On popular subreddit r/AskWomenIndia 24-year-old research associate from IIT Madras has shared his dilemma after developing feelings for a 37-year-old woman he met through his running group. The two have been friends for around six months, training for marathons together, participating in races, and going to the gym almost daily.
An ageless love?
According to the man, their bond has been “healthy, respectful, and supportive.” Initially, he assumed she was only slightly older than him. However, during a late-night text exchange, he guessed her age as 35. After she denied it, the conversation briefly soured, but later, while shopping for running shoes, she revealed her ID, confirming she was 37.
The revelation did not weaken their bond. The two began spending more time together, including a lunch date near their offices and attending a wedding function. The woman shared that she has never been married and identifies as “happy being single.” He believes that as he earns her trust, she may eventually open up more about her past relationships.
Despite his growing feelings, he admits he is hesitant to confess them. “I’m honestly scared to even get too close to her or make any kind of double-meaning joke. She maintains clear boundaries with guys, and I don’t want to risk doing anything that could make her uncomfortable,” he said.
The pair have already registered for marathon events in Delhi, Kolkata, and Mumbai, making it difficult for him to simply distance himself. While he wants to take a chance at dating her, he fears it could jeopardize the friendship he deeply values.
The 24-year-old, who describes himself as a former “nerd” with no significant past romantic experience, admits he envisions a future with her. Currently, he earns 5 lakh per annum through a research project, while she has built a 15-year-long career at TCS, earning over 24 lakh per annum.
“I can’t shake the feeling that I’m only setting myself up for heartbreak. I know I’m nowhere near her league in any way,” he confessed and asked the women on Reddit to help him figure out what he should do.
Reactions from Reddit
As expected, most thought the man should reconsider what he thinks are undeniable feelings. Likely, it is just simple attraction which would vane off once he gets to know more of her.
“Get a reality check. In 13 years you will be 37, she 50. This ain’t Dil Chahta Hai movie. Let her be,” wrote a person. “I would tell you what I would tell a girl in your situation. This is too big an age gap and it’s not really likely to work out. Forget parents, you are in such different phases in your life,” said another.
“Listen buddy, its your hormones speaking. First understand her. If you like her personality, ask her out. If she says yes, good for you but remember she maybe looking for something long term and you maybe short term. The age diff is about 13 years. So there will be social stigma and prejudice. Your families may not agree,” commented another person.
Another advised that they should simply stay friends. “Let’s say you even get past that, if you really want to marry her – Do you think that either of your parents would allow that to happen? By god, if you have to explain this to society, your family or friends, the first thing that they are going to say is: ‘Oh god, this woman groomed this young innocent man!’ Would you like for this woman’s reputation be tarnished? No matter how progressive we are, India is not ready for such relationships. Especially when it comes to their own son/daughter.”
Others, however, thought that he could take his time to figure out the situation better. “Bro, take time. If she will be really into u, u will automatically know. For till now, i don’t think it’s the case. Wait for the right time,” read a comment. “Well, if she stayed single for this long she is comfortable being independent and women of that sort demand more accountability, communication, mutual respect, transparency, showing up in difficult times, owing up responsibilities and goes on for the relationship to be successful, talk to her if she’s interested to give this a chance, completely depends on her,” said another.
What should he do?
That’s indeed true. The only person who can give him a helpful answer is likely the woman herself. If (and that’s a big if) they both are on the same page about their feelings for each other and they decide to explore a relationship, they should have an honest conversation about all that might be in store for them. From societal pressure to marry to harsh jibes from friends and family. Many relationships give in under this pressure, despite the best intentions at heart.
Perhaps preparing for what is to come will help soften the blow. They need to ask each other and themselves if such comments will indeed break their bond and even then, it will take daily affirmations and communications to keep that bond strong in the first place.
Note for readers: This article reflects the individual’s account and public reactions. It is not professional advice. Readers should seek professional guidance when faced with relationship and mental health issues.
